I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize