You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
