you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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