Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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