dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
