Apparently you make a good broom.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
