Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
