hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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