what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
