Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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