You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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