they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
