Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
