The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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