Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize