I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
