Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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