the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
