Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
