Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
