My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
