I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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