; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i already hear my dad disowning me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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