"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
