ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize