wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
