i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
