Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize