Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
