I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
