i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
