I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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