what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
