quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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