there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
