Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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