Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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