GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
