i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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