goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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