If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize