I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize