i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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