I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize