Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
