so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
accomplished twins. life is a go
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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