Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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