yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize