You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
