Your mouth is God's brothel.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize