so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
