I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
