whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They are going to name an STD after you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize