My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My cat gives me a boner
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
