I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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