Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
