if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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