Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
