Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
