you guys were way drunker than both of me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
