have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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