some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
