It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
