I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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