Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
