He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
