I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
