As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
