i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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