I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
