Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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