ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
