Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
