im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
